We can’t chose what triggers us, only how we respond to it.
That’s the thing about trauma (no matter how severe).
There are always things that are going to trigger you – it can literally be the slightest thing.
Most days, I can feel triggered and know that I am about to go downhill and can stop my reaction – specifically my anxiety from going through the roof.
Other times, I end up in a downward spiral over the smallest thing.
This past week I was triggered by something that caused me to thing about the toxic relationship I had with my ex-husband. Someone who I fell in love with had texted me.
It had been almost a month and just as I was starting to forget about them, they texted me. This caused me to think about the type of love I had for this person versus my ex-husband.
Then I realized I still loved my ex-husband, but only a love as the “father of my children.”
To then thinking about why things didn’t work out, to thinking why was our relationship so toxic, to why did I even stay with him so long and so forth.
It was exhausting to type as much as it was to feel all those emotions coming over me within a matter of a few hours. Sometimes I think to myself, did we make the right choice?
Did we just give up?
In the end, I know we made the right choice. It wouldn’t be healthy for the children to see constant arguing to the toxic level that it was. Neither of us want our children to end up in the same toxic relationship we had with each other.
We want them to be better, grow and learn from our mistakes.As all parents want for their children.
To read more on my divorce and related topics, check out these posts: