Here we are again with boundaries.
This post is part four to three previous posts I had written on boundaries that were set during my separation and divorce. If you’d like to read the other three check them out here:
Now, back to part four.
Last night my daughter told me she loved me probably five times in a row. It was the most she had ever said it. I’m not sure why but maybe because I made here a little “get ready” nook in her room?Or maybe because we’ve been rearranging the house and making it more calming?
I ended up taking my [queen] bed out of my room and ordering this futon/ sofa bed. I turned my bedroom into a “quiet room” for reading, coloring, homework and the occasional sleep if I chose (or if I have guests). One of the best decisions I’ve made and I’m so happy with how it turned out.I also took my desk out and put it in the shed.I honestly had zero use for my room… I probably slept in my bed a couple of times a week. Most times I’d be on the couch, with my son or at a friend’s house.
And to be honest, the bed reminded me of my ex.
It was our bed that we purchased for our first house.
The mattress is really nice, so I decided to keep it stored in the shed for now.
I am not sure if I will use it again, but for now it’s there should I decide to. I also had kept it because we agreed he’d stay here a few nights to help transition the kiddos during our divorce process in December.
It lasted well and then something just hit me; I was just getting really uncomfortable.
There were times I wanted to meal prep at 11pm at night and he would be sleeping on the couch. It just became awkward. As much as it was nice for the kids to see him when they woke up, I was starting to feel like I had no space.
Now he can’t have the kids before 7pm at his place since he lives above a spa and I have no problem with him in the house in the day when he has them.
But something about the night time; my wind down time and quiet space was just not there (except Sundays).
We didn’t want to kids to sleep late hence why we agreed he’d stay at my house.
However, as time went on and talking to other divorced parents… what’s 30-45 minutes later of a bedtime a couple of nights a week? Especially now that it’s staying “daytime” longer, the kids are going to bed past 8pm anyways.
I had to stop the mom guilt.Going back to what I said in the beginning… it’s been almost a couple of weeks of her dad not being here at all on his non-kid nights.
It took her a bit to adjust (the twins only really know us separated) but the fact that she was all I love you over and over… and also the fact that she’s become extremely helpful without me asking, shows me that she will be okay.
She is such a tough cookie and I give her huge props. It’s hard for her dad and I to adjust so I can’t imagine her five year old brain transitioning.
As the say, kids are resilient and I’m just now starting to believe it.