I didn’t think there would be a part three to this post, but here we are.
A couple of days before the final divorce hearing, my ex came back to me asking for another chance. If I’m being honest, it would have probably been our firth or sixth “try again” at this point?
His answer to me in December when I asked him the same question was “no.” He told me he was finally calm; I get it we fought all the time and our relationship was unhealthy.
From that moment, I put it in my mind that there was no turning back so I served him the divorce papers and didn’t look back. I think after I put the boundaries, he realized how much it sucked to just be strictly co-parents and nothing more.
We would have a night a week to have dinner together to update one another on the kids and just talk about anything that was going on with them. I would let him grocery shop for me and let him help me with the car if I needed.
I just got to a point where I really wanted absolutely no help from him.
I didn’t really want to be friends or have “family days (except for birthday and Christmas).” I just wanted to be strictly business. But after a few weeks of that, it began to wear me down. I didn’t really like it and I wanted to have more of a friendship, yet still have boundaries.
Because in reality, when the children see us happy and getting along, nothing really feels “different” to them aside from the fact that dad sleeps somewhere else on some nights.
We talked and I decided to lessen some of the boundaries. I wanted to make sure I still had my space, we were working on our “friendship” as co-parents and helping the kids adjust.
So far it’s been a couple of weeks into our “revised boundaries” and I must say it feels much better. I agreed to let him have “extra” time with the kids in the morning and decided to push myself to go to the gym during that time.
It’s one of the reason I restarted my four week HIIT program; it forces me to stick to something and leave the house. Before, I was just sleeping in and even if I am tired, I’ll still leave the house and run any errands that I need to.
Like I said before, of course I prefer a father who wants to see their kids 24/7 vs. not at all. But we do need to have boundaries in place.“One day at a time…”