I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries.
Even since my cousin passed away in mid December (and then my grandmother in January), I let go of most boundaries with my children’s father. I was pretty much a hot mess.
I needed all the help I could get and I am very grateful that he was able to do so.
Funny enough, on the night before the full moon, I realized I had seen their dad practically every day. He would come here at 6:45am, take care of the kids while I slept in until 7:30am. I would get my daughter’s things ready for school and he would then take her to school for 8:15am.
There were nights he’d even come to my house to do bedtime because he got out early and wanted to see the kids. He was coming every morning, most nights… we just both got very comfortable.
It honestly felt like we were still together.
When I approached him saying that we both become very comfortable with the situation, he told me that he was allowed to see his children daily and that if I didn’t allow him that I’d being denying the children the chance to see their dad.
While this is somewhat true, in the end he chose to not work on the marriage. I don’t know any divorced couple with kids where they see both parents daily. Maybe there are situations like that, but all I know is that my boundaries were not happening and I was stressed.
So far, it’s been a week back to boundaries and I feel such a sense of calm. It’s amazes me that a lot of my stress was subconscious – seeing him daily and not having my own space created stress.
I know I need to stand my ground and stick to these boundaries. We are not a couple anymore, we are co-parents and we need to set that example for the kids so they don’t get confused.
If I’m confused sometimes, I can only imagine how my oldest feels.Again, I am thankful that their father wants to see them 24/7 versus a father who was absent. But it isn’t healthy for me or us in the end. Boundaries are important, especially for us.
One day at a time, right?