A warm thank you to all those who messaged me in regards to my last post. It amazes me how many other women are/ were going through the same thing that I am.
It’s easier to stay quiet and just “settle” because it may seem that’s what society tells us to do. Society tells us to work things out with our partner, especially if we have kids; we feel that having two parents is most important.While yes, couples therapy, working on your relationship, figuring out what you both can do to fix the relationship can help many, that is the key word. It takes two.
Of course I can only speak for myself and my experiences.
Growing up, I saw many fights between my parents and saw them trying to work hard to stay together just because they had kids. I feel like this is common for the generation of my parents [and still even today].At the end of the day, having mom and dad live in the same house is NOT most important. While I want my children to see mom and dad everyday, it’s not worth it anymore. What’s worth it is my children feeling safe, happy and calm.Over the past few weeks I realized, I was being a bit selfish.
Sure it’s easier to have their dad at home to help during night time wakes ups. Sure it’s easier to have someone there so I can go to the gym at 6:00am. Sure it’s easier to have someone cook dinner for the kids if I am too tired or give them a bath.But at the end of the day, it’s just truly not worth it.
It’s not worth seeing my children cry during bad fights. It’s not worth seeing them develop anxiety just because they hear two people having a conversation and they think it’s going to lead to a fight (mainly my oldest).I want my children to know what a healthy relationship is. I want them to learn that adults can settle disagreements calmly and rationally without yelling. That two people in a marriage need to work together.No longer will I be blamed for someone else’s toxic behavior nor will I allow my children witness these bad relationship patterns; especially between their own mother and father.It’s simply not worth it; to them or for me.